Four Tricks For Building Your Authentic Confidence as a Leader

We all want to come across as a confident leader.  It inspires trust in others.  It makes us more successful in achieving our goals.  And it also opens doors to more opportunities.   

Authentic confidence is trust in our own abilities.  It’s knowing that we can handle whatever life throws at us: a new job, a conflict at work, a crumbling relationship, or a complicated transaction.  It is a key building block of career success.  

But most of us think that confidence is something that happens after some important career accomplishment.  We assume that we will start feeling more confident after we meet some self-imposed metric of success: when we earn a bigger salary, build a successful business, or receive external validation from investors, partners, or clients.  But what if there is a different way to think about confidence?  One that lets us build our confidence now and become a better leader as a result? 

As an executive coach, I routinely work with clients to build their sense of authentic confidence.  Below are four things that my clients have found helpful.

(1)   Recall your past successes:  We have all had successes in our lives, some small and some big. One way to feel more capable is to reflect on your past successes.  Make a list of the successes you are most proud of.  Ask yourself, what did I do that led to those successes?  What resources helped me to stay on course?  How did I feel after a success?  That way, the next time you are feeling discouraged, you can remind yourself: “I’ve dealt with obstacles before.  And I can do it again.” 

(2)   Embrace uncertainty:  Life is filled with uncertainty.  Things change every day, and random events often catch us by surprise.  We tend to think of uncertainty as an enemy to be eliminated, and living in fear of uncertainty is a big source of stress.  One way to build confidence is to start recognizing that uncertainty is a normal part of everyone's life.  And it doesn't have to stop us from taking action.  When Jeff Bezos first pitched Amazon to a group of early investors, he said that his idea had a 30% chance of success and a 70% chance of failure.  But it was a good investment, Bezos argued, because the potential upside from success far outweighed the downside of failure.  By embracing uncertainty, Jeff built one of the most successful companies in the world.

(3)  Act now:  We assume that successful people – unlike us - are born confident and ready.  But even the most successful leaders feel nervous and scared at times.  Human beings have over 60,000 thoughts a day and, left unchecked, thoughts like, “I’m not ready” and “I can't do this,” can turn into a self-fulfilling loop.  

The most successful leaders know that they need to act before they’re completely ready.  It’s a fast-moving world, and if you wait until you've checked all the boxes, you'll end up missing some of your best opportunities.  The next time you’re feeling worried about a decision, remind yourself that what you're feeling is normal.  Ask yourself: What is the upside to embracing this opportunity?  Is this meaningful to me?  What can I do to mitigate the downside?   

(4)  Achieve small goals: Authentic confidence is built one goal at a time.  Set small goals, achieve them, celebrate them, and repeat the cycle.  Anyone who has climbed Mt. Everest knows that you have to climb each of the multiple phases separately.  You can't tackle them all at once.  But by moving slowly and deliberately, and taking small steps, you can reach the mountain peak.  Like climbers, you can benefit from breaking your big goals into do-able chunks.

I want to end this blog with a quote that captures the power of taking action.  In the book “The Scottish Himalayan Expedition” by a mountaineer W. H. Murray, he wrote: “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  The moment one…commits oneself, then providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.  A whole stream of events…unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.  I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

I hope you'll consider taking action on your big goal.  Please reach out to me if you need professional assistance with this matter. Drop me a note through the Contact page if you have any questions.